To Love and Be Loved

I subscribe to Joe DePalma’s 1 Minute Weekly Prescription of Positive Power and I get some great emails. In one of the emails he lists the ten most important words in any loving relationship.  They are listed below.  After each one I’ve added a few thoughts.

1.       Trust: A couple of definitions of trust are the following:

-reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

-confident expectation of something; hope.

Trust is fundamental. Without trust there is no relationship. In any relationship if you don’t have trust you will very likely tear that relationship apart.

2.      Intimacy: Intimacy can involve many things.  My husband gets up very early to go to work. Too early for me.  We started a trend.  If he is not home when I get up I always send him a text. I usually greet him, ask how his day has been so far (which sometimes starts the night before) and let him know I love him. He started another trend. He sends me a thought of the day and a scripture that goes with the thought.  With our schedules we have a hard time getting scripture study in. He also is very thoughtful and listens to things I need and then responds.  For instance, I said that I would like to get something that I could organize all my earrings on so they would be easier to find. So he listened and acted upon that wish. This is one side of my "earring holder".

This is the other side for my "Special occasion" earrings and some pins.

3.      Communication – Lack of communication can destroy any relationship.  If you don’t communicate with each other, express your feelings and thoughts then you and your partner will not know how to enhance the relationship. And you have to communicate effectively.  Don’t expect the other person to read your mind.  I’ve made that mistake plenty of times.

4.      Commitment – When we make a commitment we make a promise.  It’s important that the promise is kept or trust is lost.  And it’s hard to rebuild trust. This not only includes commitments we make to others but commitments that we make to ourselves.  Such as I will start my diet today!  That’s a commitment.

5.      Love – Love is not a simple emotion.  It’s extremely complicated.  I read an article that said “Love is one of the most powerful forces of life itself”. Shakespeare warns us in A Midsummer Night's Dream that "The course of true love never did run smooth."

The article goes on to say “Love entices you into its arms but it is enough to hold you there for only so long.   You may grow restless with reality, with the day to day tedium of work.  You may long to have the carefree delights of passion again...to fall in love all over again just for the feeling.  If you fall for that, you will find yourself moving from relationship to relationship always in search of what you only find in the beginning.   Love, true long-term love requires more than just being there.  It requires that you invest in your relationship; that you work with your partner to succeed.   You must create a new love that is deeper and stronger than the fleeting thrill of passion.”

This is a picture of a picture so it's not very clear. This is our wedding picture.This was July 26, 1969.

6.      Friendship – In any relationship if it is to be successful you have to be friends. I think being friends is as important or more than love in a relationship.  In the old movie, Shenandoah, Jimmy Stewart’s character is talking to a young man who wants to marry his daughter.  I’ll never forget what he said, “I know you love her son but do you like her?” That may not be an exact quote but you get my meaning.  You have to like each other as well as love each other.

Friends are there when you need someone to listen to you, to laugh with and to cry with. They accept us for who we are no matter what we’ve done. Sounds like a loving relationship doesn’t it?

7.       Patience – Patience is needed in every aspect of life.  Patience is a virtue and I have lost that virtue many times.  Any relationship requires a lot of effort and patience. 

“The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.” Molièr   This quote says it all as far as I’m concerned.

8.      Humor – We are closer to people who make us laugh.  We want to be around them. I have the fondest memories of relationships in which there was laughter and humor. Without humor your life will be miserable and so will your relationship with another person.

9.      Flexibility – You will not see things eye to eye all the time in a relationship. We must be able to adapt and accept change. Any relationship would be boring if each person did everything the same. I’ve always been a supporter of letting others be who they are and loving who they are.

10.  Forgiveness – Forgiving does not necessarily mean forgetting. The pain of an offense does not leave easily. It takes time to heal. You can, however, make a commitment to forgive one another and work together on the healing process. In fact working together makes it more bearable. If we expect to be forgiven, we must forgive.

“A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself – to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved.  Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.”  Leo F. Buscaglia