To Love and Be Loved

I subscribe to Joe DePalma’s 1 Minute Weekly Prescription of Positive Power and I get some great emails. In one of the emails he lists the ten most important words in any loving relationship.  They are listed below.  After each one I’ve added a few thoughts.

1.       Trust: A couple of definitions of trust are the following:

-reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

-confident expectation of something; hope.

Trust is fundamental. Without trust there is no relationship. In any relationship if you don’t have trust you will very likely tear that relationship apart.

2.      Intimacy: Intimacy can involve many things.  My husband gets up very early to go to work. Too early for me.  We started a trend.  If he is not home when I get up I always send him a text. I usually greet him, ask how his day has been so far (which sometimes starts the night before) and let him know I love him. He started another trend. He sends me a thought of the day and a scripture that goes with the thought.  With our schedules we have a hard time getting scripture study in. He also is very thoughtful and listens to things I need and then responds.  For instance, I said that I would like to get something that I could organize all my earrings on so they would be easier to find. So he listened and acted upon that wish. This is one side of my "earring holder".

This is the other side for my "Special occasion" earrings and some pins.

3.      Communication – Lack of communication can destroy any relationship.  If you don’t communicate with each other, express your feelings and thoughts then you and your partner will not know how to enhance the relationship. And you have to communicate effectively.  Don’t expect the other person to read your mind.  I’ve made that mistake plenty of times.

4.      Commitment – When we make a commitment we make a promise.  It’s important that the promise is kept or trust is lost.  And it’s hard to rebuild trust. This not only includes commitments we make to others but commitments that we make to ourselves.  Such as I will start my diet today!  That’s a commitment.

5.      Love – Love is not a simple emotion.  It’s extremely complicated.  I read an article that said “Love is one of the most powerful forces of life itself”. Shakespeare warns us in A Midsummer Night's Dream that "The course of true love never did run smooth."

The article goes on to say “Love entices you into its arms but it is enough to hold you there for only so long.   You may grow restless with reality, with the day to day tedium of work.  You may long to have the carefree delights of passion again...to fall in love all over again just for the feeling.  If you fall for that, you will find yourself moving from relationship to relationship always in search of what you only find in the beginning.   Love, true long-term love requires more than just being there.  It requires that you invest in your relationship; that you work with your partner to succeed.   You must create a new love that is deeper and stronger than the fleeting thrill of passion.”

This is a picture of a picture so it's not very clear. This is our wedding picture.This was July 26, 1969.

6.      Friendship – In any relationship if it is to be successful you have to be friends. I think being friends is as important or more than love in a relationship.  In the old movie, Shenandoah, Jimmy Stewart’s character is talking to a young man who wants to marry his daughter.  I’ll never forget what he said, “I know you love her son but do you like her?” That may not be an exact quote but you get my meaning.  You have to like each other as well as love each other.

Friends are there when you need someone to listen to you, to laugh with and to cry with. They accept us for who we are no matter what we’ve done. Sounds like a loving relationship doesn’t it?

7.       Patience – Patience is needed in every aspect of life.  Patience is a virtue and I have lost that virtue many times.  Any relationship requires a lot of effort and patience. 

“The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.” Molièr   This quote says it all as far as I’m concerned.

8.      Humor – We are closer to people who make us laugh.  We want to be around them. I have the fondest memories of relationships in which there was laughter and humor. Without humor your life will be miserable and so will your relationship with another person.

9.      Flexibility – You will not see things eye to eye all the time in a relationship. We must be able to adapt and accept change. Any relationship would be boring if each person did everything the same. I’ve always been a supporter of letting others be who they are and loving who they are.

10.  Forgiveness – Forgiving does not necessarily mean forgetting. The pain of an offense does not leave easily. It takes time to heal. You can, however, make a commitment to forgive one another and work together on the healing process. In fact working together makes it more bearable. If we expect to be forgiven, we must forgive.

“A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself – to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved.  Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.”  Leo F. Buscaglia

A Tribute to My Dad

This weekend is looking like it's going to be extremely busy for us so I decided to do a tribute to my dad for Father's Day before the craziness begins.

There’s not a song that is like the one I quoted in my tribute to my mother so I’ve decided to create my own meaning to the letters in the word Father.  My father passed away in October of 2001, five months after my mother. I am so grateful they are both together and I’m sure they are working hard where they are.  I looked forward to the day that I will see them again.  I am so grateful that my dad took my mother to the LDS temple to be married for eternity. Here goes:

F is for Funny.  My dad was not the easiest person to live with but then who is? However, he definitely had his funny moments. You just had to pay attention and appreciate his sense of humor.

A is for Always providing for us. We always had what we needed when we were growing up. We had extras too but my Dad did not give the extras easily.  I learned to appreciate his thriftiness when I was older. That is one great lesson I learned from him.

T is for Trust.  My Dad was an extremely trustworthy person.  His word was his honor. 

H is for Hardworker.  My Dad worked hard at his job.  He also did plenty of odd jobs around the house. He was pretty handy at fixing the small electrical things in our home. Out of necessity he taught me to get the swamp cooler ready for the summer.  He had brain surgery and it threw his equilibrium off so it was hard for him to get on the roof. To this day, if I had to, I could get a swamp cooler ready.  However, climbing on the roof would be harder now. There’s not many swamp cooler’s today except for the home that my siblings and I share in Utah. And it isn’t on the roof!

E is for Eternal Companion. He adored and worshipped my mother.  They were married in the LDS St. George temple on April 28, 1945. I know that they are enjoying their Eternal marriage in heaven together.

R is for Realize.  The older I get the more I realize how much I appreciate the man my father was and the example he set.  And I realize that I really miss him and love him.

Below is a picture of my dad in his Navy uniform.  He served during World War II and he was in his early 20's. He enlisted on the 1st of November, 1942. He was in his early 40's when he had brain surgery to remove a non-cancerous brain tumor.  It left him paralyzed on one side of his face.  He never liked his picture taken after that.

“Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.”  ~Gloria Naylor

I had to add the following because I found it humorous.  I don’t know if my dad ever changed diapers but if he did it would have been a cloth diaper.  These are instructions that are very likely for a man.  My dad was a sports fan and Jimmy Piersal was a baseball player who played baseball in the 50’s and 60’s.  He played for about 5 different teams. So I think my dad would appreciate this.

Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
“Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat.  Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound.  Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together.  Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.”

Who is your BFF?

This article was posted by one of my friends on Facebook.  It was on a page called "Micheal Hyatt Intentional Leadership".  I've decided to use it as my post today.  Enjoy!

"What does marriage have to do with leadership? If you are married, everything. Nothing will undermine your effectiveness as a leader faster than a bad marriage. Your marriage is a living example of what it is like to be in a close relationship with you. This is why it is so important that leaders get this right if they want to influence others.

Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/Renphoto

Unfortunately, we live in a culture that is very me-centered. Gail and I often talk to people who are frustrated with their spouses. Most of this stems from the fact that they are not getting what they think they need or what they think they should be getting.

I am not saying that it is wrong to give voice to your needs. I am saying that it is often an ineffective way to get them met, unless you first sow the seeds of giving and servanthood. (This is also good practice for being a leader in any sphere of life.)

Gail and I have been married for 33 years next month. We can both honestly say that we are one another’s best friends. We talk constantly, go on long walks together, and eat almost every meal together. We just love being in each other’s company.

But what if you don’t have this kind of relationship with your spouse? We work with enough couples to know that this kind of intimacy and friendship is rare.

But, honestly, we are not special. I don’t want to be naive, but I don’t think it is that difficult—if you are willing to make the investment.

If you are, then I would recommend three steps:

1. Make a list of what you would want in a best-friend. If you were going to advertise on Craig’s List for a best friend, what would the ad look like? Perhaps it might look like this:
   Wanted: Best Friend
   Prospective candidates will:

   • Make me feel good about being me.
   • Affirm my best qualities (especially when I am feeling insecure)
   • Call out the best in me, and hold me accountable to the best version of myself.
   • Listen without judging or trying to fix me.
   • Give me the benefit of the doubt.
   • Extend grace to me when I am grumpy or having a bad day.
   • Remember my birthday, favorite foods, music, and art.
   • Know my story and love me regardless.
   • Spend time with me, just because they enjoy my company.
   • Speak well of me when I am not present.
   • Serve me with a joyful spirit and without complaining.
   • Speak the truth to me when no one else will.
   • Never shame me, diminish me, or make me feel small.
   • Become excited about what I am excited about.
   • Celebrate my wins!
2. Now become that person for your spouse. That’s right. Turn the table. Make this a list of the kind of friend you will become. I can promise you this: anyone who does half of these kinds of things will have more friends than he or she knows what to do with. But what if you focused this effort on your spouse? Think of the possibilities.
3. Keep sowing the seeds, until the relationship blossoms. How long will it take to create this kind of relationship? It all depends on where you are starting. For some, it might be several months. For others, it might take years. Friendships are like gardens; they must be cultivated. The key is to be consistent and persistent—without expectations.

This is really nothing more than the application of the Golden Rule to marriage: “Do to others what you would want them to do to you” (Luke 6:31).

If couples would invest in one another like I am suggesting, the divorce rate would plummet. Romance is important. Sex is too. But a solid friendship is the foundation of everything else.

Rejoice with your family!

Today the process started of moving my daughter, Becky, and her husband, Greg, and my granddaughter, Laila, out of the home we've shared for almost eight years.  They bought a home that is less than 5 minutes away so that is a plus. The home we are in is too big for just Dean and I so after some discussion our oldest son, Drew, his wife, Chris and our grandchildren, Justin, Lauren and Nickolas, will be moving in with us.  Needless to say things have been quite hectic since this process started.

Laila will be two on September 9th. She was born on 09/09/09.  She has been in this home from the beginning of her life.  I have seen her get up almost every morning and kissed her goodnight almost every night. She has been a delight to watch develop and grow.  I'd forgotten how much children grow and change in such a short time.  She is already counting to 10 and knows a lot of her letters.  I am amazed at how smart she is.  She calls Dean, Papa, because she can't say grandpa and she calls me Maka, because that's how grandma came out of her mouth. 

She got to ride her first horse today.  Our neighborhood had a community party.  Famous Daves catered to it.  There is nothing better than Famous Daves, at least in my opinion. They had a little petting zoo, horses to ride and one of those big enclosed bouncer things, whatever they are called.  Anyway Becky walked with Laila while she rode on one of the little horses. Her horses name was Coco.

Of course when the ride was done she didn't want to get off.  She kept saying "Coco". 

As this change is taking place I feel we are starting a new era in our life.  We will now have 3 grandchildren living with us.  Nick is 9, Lauren is 12 and Justin is 16.  All our children and grandchildren are people to be proud of.  Their parents have raised them well.  It will be nice to have the older children around because their parents make sure they help out.  In fact I believe I will never have to mow another lawn.   Below is Drew and his family.

And this is our Son Marc and his wife Diane, thier children Logan, Kerry, Cutler, Daphny and Autmn.

Here is Greg, Becky and Laila.

And here is our son, Benji (he is called Ben at work) and his girlfriend Jennifer.

I will miss Laila's goodnight kisses and hugs when she wraps her little arms around me. However, as I mentioned before they are less than 5 minutes away and I can stop by after work if I want to get a "Laila fix".  I will also miss having Becky and Greg around. Greg is a good son-in-law and Becky a wonderful daughter.  I'm so grateful that she was able to find Greg for her eternal companion.

Family is  wonderful and I'm so fortunate to have them all so close. Albert Einstein said, "Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life!" Everyone should hold thier family close and rejoice with them.  Oh how I love my family!